Coronavirus Ranking, number of confirmed cases (recoveries)

🇨🇳 80,945 (64,198) ← Our work is done.

🇮🇹 17,660 (1,439) ← More wine, please.

🇮🇷 11,364 (Numbers may be not be reliable because kooky people still like to lick mosque walls . . . Um)

🇰🇷 7,979 (510) ← Goddamn crazy Korean cults!

🇪🇸 5,232 (193) ← More wine, please.

🇩🇪 3,675 (46) ← Üübermenschlich! Fee fill be beaten NICHT beim "Firus"!

🇫🇷 3,667 (12) ← Enjoying the staycation, having afternoon sex; stinky soft cheeses and unfiltered Gauloises cigarettes. Cough, cough.

🇺🇸 1,952 (6) ← Best healthcare system IN THE WORLD 🎉Those 43 deaths are a small price to pay for FREEDOM!

🇩🇰 1,589 (1) ← Happiest people on earth, smiling a little bit less than usual.

🇨🇭 1,139 (4)

🇳🇴 996 (1) ← Party is just getting started.

🇸🇪 814 (1) ← Ditto. Cue the ABBA. “Waterloo! Waterloo! Don’t know what this song’s about. Waterloo! Waterloo!”

🇳🇱 804 ← Don’t take your finger out of the dyke, Jan. No, not that dyke! The levee! Don’t take your finger out of the levee!

🇬🇧 801 (19) ← Nothing to see here! Move along, move along. (Special relationship comes with special favors from our special friends across the pond.)

🇯🇵 701 (118) ← Asking, What's all the fuss? Olympics are still a go, right? Right? Helloooo?! Is this thing on?!

⛴ 696 (325) ← Looky here! Wait! Come back!

🇧🇪 556 (1) ← More chocolate, please.

🇶🇦 320 Qatar . . . Or is it Quttr? You’d think with their money, they’d be able to afford some more consonants. “I’d like to buy a ‘K’ for $200.”

🇨🇦 306 (8) ← Lot of people wishing Trudeau self-isolated a few years ago.