48. Show Time!

It wasn’t until The Zoo opened down the street from my apartment in late 1999 that dé Dale and I finally got to know each other. Although he had been living in Fukuoka for nearly as long as I had, the two of us seemed to be running around in concentric circles. All I knew about the man was a few salacious rumors.

In the dark, too, about dé Dale’s nationality, I resorted to greeting him in English, a “Hey, man” here, a “Whassup?” there, whenever our paths happened to cross. And so, it was in English that we spoke for the first time, curiosity having compelled me to pop over to The Zoo on its opening night.

A row of massive bouquets stood on tripods before the shop bearing congratulatory messages from companies that conducted business with dé Dale. Inside, the shop was crowded with businessmen, friends, staff, and not a few customers who, like me, had been attracted by the commotion.

Dé Dale walked straight over to me, hand out and grinning broadly. “Thanks for coming!”

“Quite a store you’ve got here,” I said.

The Zoo was deep and narrow. At the front of the shop, fashion accessories were displayed: racks upon racks of rings, bracelets, bags and hats. The deeper you ventured into the shop, however, the more degenerate the merchandise became. Outrageous graffiti covering the walls and ceiling pulled you further into the store, where body modification equipment was on display. Everything you could possibly want and more to pierce, cut, implant, stretch or tattoo your body. And in the very rear, in The Zoo’s Holy of Holies, dissipation reigned: every kind of paraphernalia imaginable vied for space on the crowded shelves: pipes, bongs, rolling paper, scales, turbo lighters, and so on. And there in the glass case next to the cash register was a smorgasbord of psychedelics, many I had never before heard of.

“You’re so conveniently located,” I said to dé Dale, giddy as a boy in a toyshop, “I don’t know whether to be thrilled or concerned.”

“Man, you cannot believe what I have been through in the last three days to make The Zoo a possibility,” dé Dale said excitedly. He was standing before a row of dildos, one of which wobbled and churned on the shelf. “Four days ago my realtor found this property, the next day I got the loan and signed the contract. Yesterday, we painted the place and then moved all this stuff in last night. I have not slept a minute in four days.”

“Sounds like a rough week.”

“No! Sounds like a goodweek! A great week for business! There was a chance, I took it, and—boom—three days later, here I am and here you are and here is everyone else and now it’s show time. You saw the sign?”

“The sign? The one out front? Yes, I . . .”

“There’s a reason for that,” dé Dale said, giving his temple a self-congratulatory tap.

Rather than hanging a shingle out front that gave the business hours like practically every other shop in the world, there was a board that said: 

 

Show Time: 11am to ?

 

The Zoo is not just a store,” dé Dale crowed.

“You can say that again.”

“This is going to be my showcase. This store! This is but merely the beginning, my friend! Merely the beginning.”

There was no way I could have known it at the time, but dé Dale was full on, pumped up with enough methamphetamine to give an elephant a heart attack. I was under the naive assumption that the man rocking on the balls of his feet before me had the stamina of Napoleon who famously functioned on as little as three hours’ sleep a night. And, like le Petit Caporal, dé Dale was also short in stature, even in a country like Japan. What he lacked in height, though, he more than compensated in his physical presence: he had the broad shoulders and powerful arms of an ape.

“Pardon me, but I don’t believe I know your name,” dé Dale said, presenting me with a business card: G. dé Dale, President.

“G?”

“Gabriel, Gabriel dé Dale. Everyone calls me dé Dale. And you are?”

“Rémy,” I said.

“Rémy?” he said. His piercing blue eyes studied me. “You’re American, no? Or am I confusing you with some one else?”

“I am American, American by birth, but I’m half French. My old man’s from Avignon.”

“Avignon. Interesting. And the other half?”

“Lebanese.”

“Ah, Lebanese!” His eyes widened as if his suspicions had been proven correct. “You are only the second Lebanese I have ever met, and you both party. That must be some country.”

“It is. You should visit it some day.”

“I would very much like to do that, but I am . . . Jewish.” Dé Dale’s hair was strawberry blond, cropped militarily short. On his chin he sported a narrow beard, tinged with orange. He looked like the Devil himself. “Now that we’re neighbors, we ought to get together and party.”

“Sure, anytime,” I replied, pulling my own business card out of my wallet. “I usually finish work late . . .”

In a broad gesture taking in the whole of his store, he said, “And you take me for some nine-to-five stiff?”


The first posting/chapter in this series can be found here.

Rokuban: Too Close to the Sun and other works are available in e-book form and paperback at Amazon.

17. The Infirmary

At the end of the corridor we come to a wall of bars. The orderly asks me to turn away as he fiddles with the lock.

When the barred door is opened, I’m told to walk through and face the other way again. Even still, I can watch him from the corner of my eye as he locks the door. Of all the keys dangling from a chain on his belt, he’s using the one with a blue rubber collar on it.

The orderly leads me up four flights of stairs and down a wide hallway, the walls of which are covered with posters of Kyūshū’s scenic spots—Takachihō in Miyazaki Prefecture, the hot-spring town of Beppu in Ōita.

Down another flight of stairs we go to the third floor, where, turning a corner, we arrive at the infirmary, a cramped, dimly lit, and dingy room.

Entering, I find two thugs seated on folding chairs. One looks up with weary amusement, and, elbowing the other, whispers, “Check out the gaijin!”

Holding up a paper cup in his scabby red hand, the orderly gestures towards a toilet in the rear. I take the cup and head for the lavatory.

On the wall above the toilet is a calendar.

It’s been ten days . . . Ten days since last Sunday . . . I should be in the clear by now, but Christ . . . you never can tell, can you, what will show up if they know what to look for . . . God, what was I thinking?

I take a deep breath and start dribbling into the paper cup.

A moment later, I emerge from the lavatory and hand the warm sample back to the orderly who dips a slip of paper into it.

“Right, nothing out of the ordinary here,” he says and makes a notation on a form attached to a clipboard. Returning the cup to me, he tells me to flush it down the toilet.

After washing my hands, I sit down opposite the orderly at a clunky old steel desk, easily as old as this tumbledown jail, and answer a questionnaire.

“Number?” he asks.

Rokuban,” I reply.

After asking my name, age, date of birth, and so on, the orderly wants to know if I’m gay.

“No,” I reply, indignant.

What the hell are you throwing out a question like that with those two bruisers sitting just on the other side of this curtain?

He ticks a box that says “No”, then moves onto the next question: “Have you got pearls or piercing of any kind in your genitalia?”

Enough with the pearls already!

“No, I do not.”

“Have you got any tattoos?”

“No.”

“You ever go to Soapland?”

“Excuse me?”

I know exactly what he means. It just flabbergasts me that anyone would ask so matter-of-factly whether I got my pipes cleaned at massage parlors.

Listen: part of me clings stubbornly to the belief that there is no reason to pay good money for a commodity that still remains abundant and free. After all, even at the age of forty with my graying hair and all, young Japanese women still manage to find me only slightly less attractive than they did when I was ten years younger. The day I have to go to Soapland in order to get my knob polished is a day I dread with the same trepidation I suspect many women must face menopause.

“No, I have never been to a Soapland,” I tell him, mildly indignant.

“Right,” he says. “No worries about AIDS, then.”

Well, that was thorough.

After making a notation on the form, the orderly scratches a dry spot behind his ear with the end of the pen, sending a small flurry of dandruff fluttering down.

“Do you drink?”

“Yes,” I answer, averting my eyes from an eczema snowdrift forming on the desk.

“How much?”

“Depends.”

“On average?”

I shrug. On average, I suppose I don’t drink much, but I do go on the occasional binge if the mood strikes me. I can polish off a bottle of Ron Zacapa Centenario in a day and a half and not feel the worse for it. I can hold my own in the company of Russians over a bottle of raspberry-infused vodka. I drink, but I’m no drunk.

“A beer, maybe two, a day,” I offer the orderly.

“Tobacco?”

“Yes.”

“How many cigarettes a day?” he asks, ticking a box on the form.

“I don’t smoke cigarettes,” I reply.

“What? You smoke, right?”

“Yes, but I don’t smoke cigarettes.”

“What do you smoke then?”

Narghilè,” I reply. “A water pipe.”

“Marijuana?”

“No, no, no. Tobacco.”

“With a water pipe?” It doesn’t seem to register in that scabby head of his, and, to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t care less if it did.

“Yeah,” I say. “With a water pipe.”

“How often?”

“Once or twice a week.”

“How about drugs?” he asks.

“Drugs?”

“Do you take drugs?”

They guy must be high to think he’ll get a straight answer to a question like that.

“Aside from alcohol and tobacco and caffeine and the occasional aspirin? No. No drugs.”

“Marijuana?”

“No.”

“Methamphetamine?”

“Methamphetamine? No.”

“Right, stand up against the wall over there. Cover your left eye with this,” he says, handing me a plastic spoon.

The eye chart is across the room on the opposite wall and I have to look over the heads of the two thugs to read it.

The test reveals that my eyesight isn’t nearly as good as I believed it was, but it’s little more than a ripple on the sea of upsetting news I’ve had all week.

Next, the orderly sits me down before a sphygmomanometer.

I stick my arm through the cuff. A button is pressed and the cuff inflates, constricting my arm. Red numbers flash on the screen.

“Your blood pressure’s quite high,” he says grimly.

“I just humped up four flights of stairs,” I remind him. What’s more, I’m in jail!

“Stay there and I’ll retake it in a few minutes.”

As I wait, the orderly tells one of the thugs that the doctor is ready to see him. The goon stands up, dawdles past me, and disappears behind a shabby gray curtain where the doctor is waiting.

“What’s the problem,” the doctor asks, his voice tired and unsympathetic.

“My foot itches.”

“Show me.”

“You’ve got athlete’s foot,” the doctor says flatly. “Don’t scratch it. Next!”

The man returns to his seat, cursing under his breath, and the other inmate stands up with a groan and walks around the curtain where the doctor asks again: “What’s the problem?”

“I’ve got the runs.”

“It’ll pass,” the doctor replies.

The orderly returns to retake my blood pressure and half a minute later says, “Mild hypertension. Tsk, tsk.

Boy, that’s the least of my worries right now.

I am instructed to lie down on the examining table and wait quietly for the doctor.

Lying on my back, I notice a strip of flypaper the color of earwax hanging from the ceiling directly above my head. Speckled with the black remains of flies and gnats, I am reminded that the two thugs, the orderly, who must surely be an inmate himself, and I myself amount to little more than bugs trapped on flypaper.

After a few minutes, the doctor comes to the examining table, where he gives my abdomen a few perfunctory taps.

“How are you feeling,” he asks while looking pensively out the window.

“I’m a bit depressed.”

“Yes, well, aren’t we all, aren’t we all.”


Rokuban: Too Close to the Sun and other works are available in e-book form and paperback at Amazon.